One Day Down

Sometimes I think its easier to date the losers. Its easier to reason why it doesn’t work out. Its harder for them to break your heart because you know you should not have dated them in the first place. But when a good guy comes into your life, promising you the world its then that its time to be suspicious. Its then that you have to shield your heart because inevitably he will break it in to a million tiny pieces. And he will walk away unfeeling and unlike the man you met. He will bare no resemblance to the man you fell for. He will wear the same skin, he will walk the same but behind his eyes the man you knew will no longer be there.
Dating losers is unsatisfying to say the least. The game can leave you tired and jaded and wondering if there are ever any winners. Jealousy can consume you if you aren’t careful.
Others speak of carefree days and to you that’s like a foreign language. Where are these carefree days I’m supposed to be having? Between the heartache and the worry just taking two minutes to forget my trouble is like forgetting my own name.
I’m allowing myself ONE DAY, just ONE DAY to mourn the official loss of a love I so desperately wanted to hold on to, but now realize that I not only have to let go of the love, but I also have to let go of the friend, the business partner, the gym partner, because long ago he let go of me. Most of my anxiety, anger, mistrust, and sadness start with him. And I think should END with him.
He’s deceived me. He told me what he thought I needed to hear which is only served to create a monster not tame one. And its time I remove this from my life.
My tattoo says Love Understands. Understands pain is inevitable. Understands it’s a part of the package. And love understands when nothing makes sense.
Its long past the time to move on. I’ve hung around this park way too long. . .