Photos from the HB Housewarming Party

Chely just gave me these photos from the party we had back in Nov I think ... I can't even remember. Nor do I remember much of that night .. . other than the whole I love you thing. I think that's why I got drunk, that and everyone kept asking me to pour shots, and I always pour myself one too ... that's how I roll ...

One Day Down

Sometimes I think its easier to date the losers. Its easier to reason why it doesn’t work out. Its harder for them to break your heart because you know you should not have dated them in the first place. But when a good guy comes into your life, promising you the world its then that its time to be suspicious. Its then that you have to shield your heart because inevitably he will break it in to a million tiny pieces. And he will walk away unfeeling and unlike the man you met. He will bare no resemblance to the man you fell for. He will wear the same skin, he will walk the same but behind his eyes the man you knew will no longer be there.
Dating losers is unsatisfying to say the least. The game can leave you tired and jaded and wondering if there are ever any winners. Jealousy can consume you if you aren’t careful.
Others speak of carefree days and to you that’s like a foreign language. Where are these carefree days I’m supposed to be having? Between the heartache and the worry just taking two minutes to forget my trouble is like forgetting my own name.
I’m allowing myself ONE DAY, just ONE DAY to mourn the official loss of a love I so desperately wanted to hold on to, but now realize that I not only have to let go of the love, but I also have to let go of the friend, the business partner, the gym partner, because long ago he let go of me. Most of my anxiety, anger, mistrust, and sadness start with him. And I think should END with him.
He’s deceived me. He told me what he thought I needed to hear which is only served to create a monster not tame one. And its time I remove this from my life.
My tattoo says Love Understands. Understands pain is inevitable. Understands it’s a part of the package. And love understands when nothing makes sense.
Its long past the time to move on. I’ve hung around this park way too long. . .

The first kiss is always the best

I had a crazy idea for this weekend to kick up some excitment. I thought why not my own version of speed-dating? Combine that with a roadtrip and you've got a slice of adventure that I was in need of.

It started with daily conversations I was having with this dude from San Diego named Oliver. He's 29, a skater and a keen interest in me. I decided to take the opportunity to go down this weekend and meet him, but before plans were finalized this handsome X marine sparks up a conversation. His name is Joe. I had a good feeling about him, but I played it off.

There was one more runner in the game named Russ. Actually a kat I met a few years ago when I visited Cali. He was a dude I hung with and liked, but not being local neither one of us were motivated to continue coorespondence. Honestly I have my reservations about him and his intentions, but I thought it might be nice to reconnect with him since I've become a Cali local.

At the last possible second I pick up another contender. Aiden. He's another skater, covered in tatoos. Most likely just a punk, but you never know. I dig the face and his tats and am interested in hearing if he has a decent personality to build on.

So I make the date for breakfast with the marine, since he lives in Oceanside and he's on the way to my destination.

I tell ya, I should have gotten there earlier and ended my day there. He had to work at 2 and thus leave me just before noon. Reluctantly. We talked about where we were from, family and interests over scrammbled eggs and bacon and toast.

To see his face light up the same way mine does when I talk about Elena when he mentioned his 3 year old nephew was enough to stop my heart. He's a family man who's been away from all his PA family since he joined the Marines. 26 and he already knows he wants his own family by 30. A MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART. He loves the outdoors, he has 5 tattoos and smells devine.

After breakfast we hit the parking lot to chat some more. I shared some of the music off my ipod, we found a few more things we had in common and a few we didn't. A stood there with my best come hither look hoping he would kiss me, but apparently that looks needs help. He drew me in for a hug and that was nice, but the first round went nowhere.

Then came the time for goodbyes, so we went for the goodbye hug and he went for the kiss on the cheek. This reminded me of the time I hugged Steve on our first date and Steve had told me later that he wasn't trying for the cheek, but I was too quick for him.

So thru my head I can feel, ok, he wants to kiss me. So I pulled back and we kinda stare at one another then we go in for another hug. Niether one of us was about to give up on this. So I start to pull away again, slowly this time, staying in close waiting to see what he does. And finally our lips meet.

I tell ya I felt as giddy as a schoolgirl.

Best date since my first with JimmyJames.


So yea then I reluctantly headed to SD where I met Oliver. Honestly at that point I didn't care. And when I met him I remembered why I don't date skaters ...

I think I should just leave it at that.

As for the other 2, I didnt have solid plans with either, and so it goes they both turned out to be flakes. Honestly I had low expectations for both anyway. So I drove down to mission beach, looked for a piercing place to get a retainer for my eyebrow and bought cotton candy and a tiki bar sign for my bar. Somewhere around dusk I got bored knowing and I can't drink and then drive home, so I just called it a day and drove home. Texting good ol' Joe along the way.

Status: reminding myself to not get attatched. But still siked over this marine's potential. Here's a photo of Mr. Handsome: